Regrets: Kitty

Hi, thank you for reading this entry. Really appreciate your coming here (smile).

This entry is one of my biggest regrets in life. My beloved ginger cat, Kitty died 3 years ago because of my mistake. (Sigh)

“Hai Kitty… How are you ginger?” I hope you fine up there.

I am reading academic journal this morning while listening Hard To Say I’m Sorry song by Passenger, The Once & Stu Larsen  Original singer is Chicago. Sang by Az Yet and Westlife too (Credit to them all). While listening i’m writing down notes on yellow square sticky notes to track the reading. (Pause) Seeing that small yellow square note remind me so much to you.

You’ve always jumped on my keyboard and squeezed my hand from it. I know you did that so i could caress you furry hair before start writing. You don’t asked much. Apart of food, of course! You always hungry and you always reluctantly get up from the keyboard too. So i put that yellow sticky note on your head! Now you can’t move. Like classic Chinese ghost film. Serve you right! Hahahaha (evil laugh)

But that’s only just another sweet memory i’m keeping close in my heart. The memories is always lingering in my mind and it echoing every corner of the house. I cry everytime i’m thinking about you.

Three years ago, you’ve sicked for two months, your hair fall, weight loss, eat less but i thought it just because of your sickness. Nothing concerned. When you recovered then you will be okay, i thought. But i am so stupid. Stupid that i can’t foreseen this things will occur.

That night… that bright night full of stars… i’ve shouldn’t let you out. I thought that just another night you staring at the star like you used to do every night and i keep you outside. But… that night you never come back. I’m searching you everywhere, calling you like a crazy mama who lost her baby. Every day, every month, a year passes. But you did not come back. Oh! How regret i am. I’m so regret that i let you out. My mistake Kitty. I’ve neglected you. I’ve should treat you better. Take care of you the care you should have when you were alive.

I don’t know how to express my sorry. How sorry i am. I am so sorry for all my mistakes Kitty. I know it’s too late… to apologize. I know you’re gone and never come back, again.

Hmmm…(sigh).

I think… i should do sports journalism, Kitty. How about that, hmm? (The craziest idea i’ve ever thinking so far) But you know, Kitty… if you want to be a sport journalist, your writing must be very very good. Superb! Writing, yeah, writing. Errr… i think i should get back reading on the desk. La la la la… (i’m singing Kitty, pretending write something on the yellow sticky note)

Kitty honey, i will take a really good care of Papa and your Brother ya, while they still alive. I won’t neglect them like i’ve neglected you. I will be more sensitive with what happens around me. I don’t want to repeat the mistakes i’ve done to you. I’m sorry Kitty.

Until we meet again, in dream. Thank you so much for 13 years of love and company. I miss you, Kitty.

The song Hard To Say I’m Sorry by Passenger, The Once, and Stu Larsen. They put so much soul into the song. They really meant it. You really can i feel like you were there walk into your memories, it really brings you back straight there, whatever memories you had in the past. You can feel the sadness, along the video through the end, it’s really related. You can feel it. So enjoy the song.

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